For Whom The Bell Tolls
by StephR428
Summary: Bella is a single mom trying to make the best of her life while dealing with past addictions and a psycho ex that just won't leave her alone. Will Edward be able to make her see life is worth more then just existing? Not For Jake Fans! Rated M for safety
1. Chapter 1 Intro

**SM owns all of the Twilight stuff.**

Have you ever just sat back and wondered where you went wrong in life? Whatever happened to the plan you made as a young girl? Well I have. I had a plan, I had dreams that I wanted to accomplish before a certain age. I'm sure you know the ones I'm talking about. I wanted the best education, the perfect job, the perfect husband, the perfect house with the damn white picket fence, 2.5 children and of course the fucking dog. Ya know the American dream and all that. Yeah I know what you're all doing right now, your rolling your eyes at me thinking "let me know how that turns out for ya!" Let me tell you, it didn't work out for me at all! Instead of having everything I wanted and dreamed of, I'm stuck with a mediocre education, a psycho ex-husband, and I work as a stripper to support myself and my daughter. So whoever came up with the idea of the "American dream" can go fuck themselves as far as I'm concerned! But before I go into detail about my life and how shitty it has become, I probably should tell you who I am first.

My name is Isabella Swan and this is the story of a girl who royally managed to screw up her life all because she felt the need to get drunk and party hard to celebrate her new found freedom after high school graduation.

**Please review and let me know if you think I should continue with the story.**


	2. Chapter 2 The Begining of the End

**S.M. owns everything twilight. I own the rest of the craziness.**

**I just want to thank everybody that took the time to read my work and please review to let me know how I'm doing.**

**I also want to thank Andi31 because if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have started posting my work again so thank you sooooo much!**

Chapter 1

The Beginning of the End

I remember that day so clearly now, that night is a whole other story. It was graduation day. The day I was ending one part of my life while getting ready to start a new one. I figured it was best to start this off from the beginning.

"Bella you up?" Ah. Charlie my every loving father bellowed up the stairs. What can I say about Charlie? He is the Chief of Police in the shitty little town of Forks, WA that I call home. He's the rugged outdoors kinda guy, quiet and tends to keep to himself for the most part. As far as being a Dad, he has done the best that he possible can for being a single parent of a rebellious teen age girl.

"Yeah Dad I'm up!" Today is a very important day for me. It's my high school graduation! It feels like I have waited for fucking ever for this day to come. Now all I have to do is get my lazy ass out of bed and get ready to go. Getting up I look at my cell phone and notice that my boyfriend Jake has sent me a txt.

_J- Hey sexy I'll be there to pick u up at 10_

Great, just what I wanted to deal with this morning. Don't get me wrong, I like Jake and all, but here of late he has gotten quite clingy and overbearingly possessive. Some would say that he is handsome but I have just never really paid that much attention to his looks. He's about 6'2 and very muscular. His raven black hair is cut short and he has tanned skin due to his Native American heritage. His baby face and big brown puppy dog eyes is what I would say are his best features. I guess you're wondering why I'm dating him if I don't find him as attractive as others and the answer is simple. Charlie is the only reason. His dad and my dad are best friends and have been for years. They pushed us together so much that we finally we caved and agreed to it. Oh well I'm leaving soon anyway and after tonight not only will I be free to explore other options so will he. I probably should txt him back before he starts to call nonstop. If only that ended up being the case, little did I know at the time that I would be linked to that bastard for the rest of my life.

_B- K I should be ready by then_

Looking at the clock I noticed that I only had about an hour to get ready to go. I hurried up and gathered up my dress and rushed to the bath room. I turned the water on and stepped in getting my hair wet. I never pictured myself as beautiful but I don't think of myself ugly either. I have long plain brown hair that stops just above my ass, pale ivory skin, plain brown eyes and a heart shaped face. I guess my figure is good I stand at a whole 5'5, I'm slim and have average size breast. All and all I would say that I'm rather plain and average. I use my favorite strawberry scented shampoo and body wash to clean myself up and of course shave in all the right places cause like my best friend Jess says "Ya never know what might happen and you don't want to be in the care of a sexy doc and look like Chewy from Star Wars do ya." God I'm gonna miss her when I leave.

I get out of the shower and dry myself off all the while staring at the dress that I was forced into buying with great distain. Why I can't graduate in my trusty jeans and hoodie is completely beyond me, but apparently I would be committing some hellish sin against the fashion gods if I do. I slip and my thong and dress since I can't wear a bra with this damn thing and finish getting ready. When my hair and the little bit of make-up I wear is done I head down stairs to see what my father is up to.

I walk into the kitchen and find my father, who has no business trying to even boil water, standing at the stove trying to figure out how to make eggs and bacon and breakfast.

"Dad ya know, no matter how long you stare at them, they are not going to just cook themselves." I notice my Dad blush a little as he turns to me and says "I know that smartass I was just trying to figure out what to cook first!" Oh God bless him for at least trying to cover up for not knowing what the hell to do. "Ok Dad, whatever you say." As I move to start the bacon in the pan that he set out Dad finally turns to fully take in my appearance. "Wow Bells you look beautiful." I instantly start to blush and mumble a thank you as I put the bacon on to cook and crack the eggs open over the other pan.

Once breakfast is cooked and we sitting down to eat Dad says "I'm real proud of you Bells and I know I don't say it enough" I go to interrupt him but he just holds his hand up to stop me and continues. "I know that I don't say it enough and I know that I haven't been the best at showing you and telling you how much I love you but I do and I am so damn proud to call you my daughter and I know that when you get out there to Yale that you are going to surpass all of them and be the best damn lawyer in history."

Wow that just left my shocked and completely fucking speechless! My Dad has never been the type to show much emotion and here he is with tears in his eyes and telling me he loves me and is proud. I try to hold the tears at bay when I say "Oh Daddy I love you too and thank you so much. You don't know just how much hearing you say that means to me." Charlie in common form blushes and states simply "Your welcome sweetheart."

Just as I was putting our dishes in the sink the front door bursts open and in walks Jake. "Hey Bells are you all set to go?" Before I even have the chance to answer he comes storming over to me and whispers in my ear. "You look absolutely sexy in that dress baby but I don't want anybody else to see you in it so go change now!" OH HELL NO! This is not how things are going to be! "Jake I will wear what I want to and besides I don't have time to fucking change so come on let's go!" Just then Dad walked back in and Jake put a fake smile on his face and greeted Charlie. "Hey Charlie you ready to go watch our girl graduate!" Charlie beams back and says "Hell yeah let's go!"

I wish that I could say that Jake's behavior improved over the course of that day but I can't. It only got worse as the day drew on. His possessiveness and jealousy only got worse and by the end of graduation all I wanted to do was ditch him and go find the nearest party that had booze. If only I knew then, what I know now I would have simply gone home with Charlie and left for Yale the next day.

Once we got to the school and the main ceremony over with. I was standing next to Charlie and Jake when I heard Jess shout out my name. "Bella!" I look over and spotted her across the gym. She was standing there in all her glory with her long brown hair pulled up into a mess of curls and make-up done to a tee. She had on a pink dress that showed off her curvy figure perfectly and the smile that was on her face was blinding. Her hazel eyes were shining with nothing but happiness and excitement. I made my way over to her with Jake following me like a little puppy. "Hey Jess, what's up?" I asked her with the hopes that she will tell me where the parties where going to be. "I was just wondering if you were going to come over to Mike's house tonight for the party." Jess answered. Thank you Jesus, that Mike was the one throwing the party. Mike is Jess's boyfriend and one of my close friends. He's tall and has an athletic build due to being quarterback for the football team. He has spiky blonde hair, an adorable baby face and sky blue eyes. He is also know for throwing the most kick ass parties around! So it didn't take me long to answer her. "Hell yeah I'm going to be there! I just have a few things I need to take care of first, and then I'll meet you over there." Jess gives me a look and I know instantly that she is asking silently if I was ending things with Jake and coming alone. I nod my head in the affirmative and she squeals happily and hugs me before running off to find Mike. Jess knows that I have been waiting to end things with Jake and is completely supportive of me since she has seen firsthand how much of a control freak he has become.

As soon as she walks off Jake grabs my arm tight and starts to lead my out of the gym. When we reach a spot that he thinks is private enough, he pushes me back into the wall and gets into my face. "You are not going to that party!" Ah and the fun begins. "The hell I'm not Jake! You are not my father and I am free to go where ever I want!" This only angers him more and I have had enough of it. "Jake, you and I both know that the only reason we are together is because or fucking dads forced us to! I'm done Jake, after this summer I'm leaving for Yale and this thing between us is over." Jake backs up from me and looks at me with a hurt expression and I almost feel bad for ending things this way. "Bella you know that it may have started off that way but it changed for me. I love you and I know that you love me too. We are meant to be together and I'm not going to let you throw that away for some big fancy college and worthless degree when you are going to be at home being my wife and raising our children!" I stood there shocked after his little fucking speech. It took a good two minutes for my brain to catch up and when it did I was PISSED! "Are you out of you fucking mind? For starters I'm not going to some fancy college to get a worthless degree as you so eloquently put it you idiot! I'm going to Yale for a law degree as to which I fully intend on using! There is no way in hell I plan on stay here!" I scream at him as angry tears start to fall down my face. "Jake I don't want to even be your girlfriend anymore let alone be your wife and mother to your children, why is that so hard for you to understand?" I finish my rant and I feel like I have just run a marathon. Jake looks at me and shakes his head before turning around to leave. When he gets a few steps away he turns his head and quietly says "You'll see Bells, one way or another I will get what I want."

The truth in those words when I think on them now, makes me shudder in fear. Even after 5 years and more drugs and booze then I want to think about, I still have nightmares about that night.

After he left I went and found Charlie so we could do the whole dinner thing and head home so I could get ready to go to the party. When we made it home I went straight up to my room and changed into my jeans and hoodie. I ran a brush through my hair and pulled it up into a messy bun because let's face it, there is nothing worse than getting hammered and then puking all over your hair. After that was done I ran back down stairs and kissed Charlie goodbye which he mumbled a be safe and I was out the door.

When I pulled my truck up to Mike's house the party was in full swing. I hopped out and ran up to the door and walked in to see half the senior class already three sheets to the wind. There was kids grinding on each other on a make shift dance floor, and others in various positions of making out. I walked around till I found Jess shamelessly rubbing herself all over Mike and yelled out her name. "Jess, get a room if you're gonna be doing that shit!" Jess spun around when she heard me and in her drunken haste damn near knocked Mike down. "Bella you're finally fucking here! What the hell took you so long and please tell me you dumped that mutt and plan on partying your pretty little ass off?" Wow a drunk Jess makes for a very blunt Jess. "Yes I broke up with him and yes I plan on enjoying the party. Now tell me where the vodka is and I will let you get back to molesting Mike!" As I said this Mike got a huge grin and his face and simple stated "That is why I love you B!" Jess pointed me to the kitchen and I walked my happy ass in there and grabbed the bottle and a shot glass and just started downing them.

I don't know how much time passed between the drinking and the dancing but I know I was hammered and so was everybody else. Jess and I was in the middle of dancing when she turns around and goes completely still. I turn to see what is wrong when I look over and see that she is staring at Jake and two other boys from the rez that Jake lives on. Jess mumbles to me that she is going to go find Mike as Jake starts to walk over. "Jake what the hell are you doing here?" He gets a small smile on his face and says "Bella I just came to say I was sorry and hope that we can at least part ways as friends?" Now this is the Jake that I know and I am more than happy to answer him. "Of course Jake, I'm sorry too. I know that you started to have feelings for me and I should of told you that I didn't feel the same way but I'm happy we can at least keep our friendship." Jake smiles and tells me all is forgiven. We dance and hang out like we used to before we started dating. He asked me if I wanted another drink and when I answer him he heads off toward the kitchen. When he returns he hands me the drink with a small smirk on his face and at that point I was too drunk to read into it too much so I take it and down it.

It was that move right there that changed my life forever. It is also one of the last things I remember about that night. It wasn't until the next day that I somewhat learned what happened. I awoke naked in a bed I didn't recognize with a headache worse than anything I have ever fucking experienced in my life. I rolled over and winced at the pain between my legs and when I reached to pull the sheets back a heavy tanned arm draped over my waist and right then I knew. I don't know how I knew but I just did. It was the start of the end of my life as I had planned it. It was the same night that my daughter was conceived and I can't even tell her that it was a happy memory for me. It wasn't until much later that the events of that evening were recounted but the short of it was, Jake had drugged me and then proceeded to take my virginity with the sole purpose of trying to get me pregnant. He wanted me trapped and unfortunately for me he succeeded. As I laid there with tears running down my cheeks, his words from earlier came back to me. "One way or another I will get what I want."


	3. Chapter 3

_SM owns everything._

_I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have taken the time to read and review my story. It really means a lot to me. I have been asked if there will be a HEA and I promise there truly will be. It is just going to take awhile to get there. This chapter does involve a flashback of a rape seen. If that is not something that you wish to read please DO NOT continue reading. It is important to the story. I am sorry if it offends any of you.  
_

_**One month later….**_

It has been four weeks since that night. I haven't left my room since the bastard brought me home. Charlie keeps asking me what's wrong but I just can't bring myself to tell him the truth so I just ignore him and continue staring out my window. I know that I'm hurting him by doing this but I just can't seem to bring myself to care about that right now. Who wants to tell their father that while getting drunk their ex (who is loved and treated like the son that they never had) drugged their daughter and raped her. One would think that being the Chief of Police's daughter I would have known better and told him but to be honest, I don't think that my own father would believe me. He acts like Jake can do no wrong and is absolutely perfect in every way.

I slowly let my mind drift back to that morning after I woke up.

_Flashback…._

_I was laying in the bed trying to figure out how the hell I ended up here. As the tears start to slowly run down my cheeks I look over to find Jake sound asleep and decide that now would be the best time to try to get up. I slowly try removing his arm from me without waking the bastard up. When I get finally get that task accomplished I gingerly get out of the bed without causing much movement. I look around the room and try to figure out where the hell I am. _

_The room is rather plain with only a bed and night stand. I quickly realize that I'm at some motel. While looking around I find my clothes and quickly book it for the bathroom. I quickly turn the shower on as hot as it will go and step inside. The water burns but all I can think about is washing the horribleness of the night off of me. I stand in the shower crying and scrubbing till my skin starts to bleed. The entire time tears are streaming down my face and all I can think is please god why me….._

_I finish cleaning up and step out to find a towel. While drying myself off I hear a voice call from the athor side of the door._

"_Bella are ok in there sweetheart?" Jake has the nerve to call me a pet name after what the dog did to me! I was beyond pissed and the only thing that comes to mind is screaming at him. 'What the hell do you think you asshole!' But not fully knowing what he is truly capable of I simply replay with "Yeah Jake I'm fine."  
_

_I take my time drying off and getting redressed. When I'm finished I stand in the tiny bathroom staring at the mirror at my reflection. The girl that stares back at me is completely unrecognizable. The shine that was once in her eyes is gone and replace with a lifeless look. The forlorn expression on her once happy face is all that remains of the once happy girl that I was. I slowly remove myself from the bathroom and come face to face with the monster that not only took my innocence but whatever peace of mind and happiness that I once had. _

"_Hey sweetie are you ready to check out we have to get going to tell everybody the happy news?" Jake asked me in an overly happy and arrogant tone. I just stand there looking at him thing 'what happy news'. When he sees the bewildered look on my face he finally telling me what he is talking about._

"_Don't you remember honey, you agreed to marry me last night and move in with me?" I look at him as if he has two heads and ask him "what the hell are you talking about Jake?" He simply points down to the ring on my fourth finger on my left hand. I was in such a daze that I hadn't even noticed it till now. On the fourth finger of my left hand was a simple diamond ring. I just looked at it. How the hell could of it been placed there and why the hell was it there to begin with. While I was zoned out Jake took a step closer to me and whispered about how he had proposed to me and I said yes. The only thing I remember for last night was him getting me a drink and then nothing. Everything was a complete blank to me and I was getting rather upset about that._

"_What the hell do you mean that I said yes?" That was the first thing that came out of my mouth when looking at him finally. "You really don't remember do you sweetie?" Jake asked. Every time he called me by a pet name like that all I wanted to do was hit him in the mouth. "After we made up I told you I loved you and asked you if you would marry me and you agreed Bella. If you don't believe me you can call and ask Jessica and Mike because they were right there when I did it." As Jake was speaking to me he kept getting closer and closer and his voice kept rising in volume. I was truly starting to feel unsafe at that point. I started to back up until I realized that I was already close to the wall. When Jake noticed this he got a wicked smirk on his face and decided to close the short distance between us and trap me against the wall using his body. _

"_Ya know I've always wondered what it would be like to take you up against a wall. I'm thinking now would be the perfect time for round two in celebrating our wonderful engagement." Jake said in a taunting voice I have never heard him use before. I started shaking my head back and forth in the universal sign for no. That didn't seem to stop him though because the next thing I knew I was shoved hard into the wall and Jake was ripping my shirt off. When my shirt was gone I tried to pry myself away from him but unfortunately I didn't get very far. He grabbed my hand and pinned them above my head with one of his and with the other started to roughly grab at my breasts. When he got tired of my bra being in the way he took it off and flung it across the room. I was so scared of him at that point that instead of yelling for help I just bit my lower lip and tried not to make any noise in an attempt not to upset him. Now that my breasts were bare he lowered his head and started to suck on the peaks of them so hard I seriously thought he was going to cause them to bleed. I started to whimper and cry out in pain and Jake mistook that as a sign to continue because his hand started to move down my stomach to the button of my jeans. Once those were undone, he started pulling them done as far as he could with one arm while the other still had mine pinned above me. When they were down around my knees he used his foot to pull them the rest of the way down. Once I was completely bare he moved to his pants and started taking them off. Now, one would think that if a girl is standing there with tears running down there face and shaking almost violently that the guy that supposedly loved her would see that this is not something you want and stop right. It was when Jake looked upon me with nothing in his eyes but lust while he shoved himself inside of me that I realized that he didn't see me as someone he loved. He saw me as nothing more than a possession that he wanted to own and dominate. _

_End flashback….._

I was brought out of the horrible memories when there was a knock on my bed room door.

"Bells Jake and Billy are going o be here soon are you going to be ready to go?" Charlie asked. Tonight I was supposed to have dinner with me oh so wonderful fiancé and his father. When Jake decided that we should tell them the happy news, to say that our fathers were over the moon would be the biggest understatement of the damn millennium. I turn to look at my father and say "yes Dad I will be ready to go."

Some people might wonder why I didn't throw the ring back at him and tell him to go fuck himself and trust me when I say that I gave it serious thought. I was so frightened of him and what he would do that I felt like I was truly stuck. He had made it very clear to me that he had no problems what so ever in hurting me in order to get whatever it was that he wanted.

I went to get up from the chair I was sitting and was hit with a sudden wave of nausea that I had to run to the bathroom. After puking my guts out I brush my teeth and look at myself in the mirror. I had been getting sick for a few days now and the only thing I can think of to cause it is my nerves do to what I have been living with over the past month. While looking in the mirror I noticed that the dark circles under my eyes are more pronounced and that my face looks a lot thinner than it did a month ago.

I start to dig around in the bathroom drawer to find my makeup. Charlie doesn't need to see just how bad I truly am. It's bad enough that I am already hurting him by not talking to him much. When I located what I needed I hurried up and finished getting ready. I really wasn't feeling up to dealing with an angry Jake because it was a tossup as to whether or not he would actually follow thru on his threat of beating me senseless.

I slowly make my way down stairs and cringe when I hear the voice of Satan himself.

"I'm hoping to get Bells packed up and moved into the apartment within the next week or so." Jake said quite happily to Charlie. I stopped dead in my tracks when I hear this. The only thought going thru my head at that point is 'Satan say what?' Apartment I don't recall ever being told anything about this. I was hoping my father would put his foot down and say I couldn't live with him until after we were married and I was going to be putting that off as long as I could. I still have every intention of leaving for college and hopefully getting away from that asshole for good. But apparently the fucking universe is against me because the words that came next sealed my fate in hell.

"That sounds great Jake. I'm glad to hear that you was able to find a place and that Bells will be staying close to home." Charlie said.

My life is truly over. I can't believe my Dad would agree to this. My only hope in getting away from all this was that I still planned on going away to school. Now what the hell was I supposed to do? If Charlie fully supported this then there was no way he was still going to help with financing my move. I was truly stuck here. I was now in my own personal hell. I even started thinking of all the things I could have done to have deserved this. I mean did I murder someone in a passed fucking life or something? I was still running thru all the possible crimes that I could have made against mankind when I slowly entered the kitchen.

"There you are sweetheart we have been waiting on you so that we can go." Jake said in the overly sweet tone of his.

"Yeah sorry about that I was reading and lost track of time." I decided it was better than telling the truth at that point. No need in pushing him this evening. He has already proven that he will hurt me if I piss him off.

"Well Bells since you are ready now we better get going I'm starved." Typical of Charlie always more worried about his stomach than anything else. Although I guess since he isn't aware of the hell he has just sentenced me to I really can't blame him.

We make it thru dinner and home that evening without incident. I have been learning the fine art of duck and cover so that Jake hasn't had the chance to get me alone. I shudder just thinking about what that dick would do if he was alone with me. The fact that I'm running out of time and apparently I will be living with him soon is enough to make me run to the bathroom and loose what little dinner I ate.

Just because my luck truly fucking sucks and fate or karma (whatever you want to call it) is truly a bitch. Charlie just happened to be near that bathroom when I went tearing ass towards the toilet to vomit.

"Bells are ok?" Charlie asked in that concerned fatherly voice. The first thought that ran thru my head was 'do I fucking look ok to you' but I didn't say that.

"Yeah Dad I'm fine. I just think dinner didn't set well with me." Of course he just couldn't leave it at that.

"Bella are you sure? I mean you have been getting sick for a couple of days now sweetie. I really think we should take you to the doctor." Oh God No! The hospital is the last place I want to be right now!

"I'm fine Dad really I promise." I said in what I hope was a convincing voice. I really hope he lets this go. But of course I'm not that lucky since as soon I as finish my statement I was hugging the toilet again.

"That's it Bella come on I'm taking you to get looked at!" This time he used the stern voice. You know the one that left no argument.

I slowly stand up as not to get dizzy and follow Charlie out of the house.

When we make it the ER, I am rushed to a room right away. I guess that is one perk to being the Chief's daughter that I won't be bitching about.

The doctor came in and asked a few questions and took some blood to run tests on. That was one of the reasons I didn't want to come here. I hate needles and the sight of blood makes me sick. When you are already have stomach issues that last fucking thing you want to do is deal with something that will make you even more sick than what you already are.

We were both off in our own little worlds when the doctor came back and literally shattered my entire life.

"Well I can safely say that you are healthy and that there is nothing wrong with you that won't go away in the next 7-8 months. Congratulations Bella your pregnant."

FUCK MY LIFE!

I was I could sit here and tell you that I loved my daughter from the beginning. I wish that I could say that I never thought my life was better off without her. Hell I was I could say that I was never one of those mothers that never thought of ending my baby's life before it even had the chance to start. But I can't do that. I wish I could take away all the negative things I was thinking about when I heard the words. I'm ashamed to admit that it actually took me over two years to truly start to love my little angel. I will spend the rest of my life making that up to her.


	4. AN

Hi everyone! Just wanted all my readers to know that I haven't disappeared or given up on my story, my daughter has been really sick for the past month. With that being said I have not had the time needed to fully dedicate myself to writing chapter 3. I have started it and I am hoping to get it finished soon but I do not want to give a time line right now because I honestly don't know when I can get it done. Please be patient with me and I promise to give you one hell of a chapter when I am able to!

Love you all!

Steph


	5. Chapter 5

**S.M. owns all things Twilight.**

**_I would like to thank all the people that has taken the time to read, review and add my story to their fav lists. I really appreciate it. _**

**_I would also like to personally say a thank you to Andi31 and bnjwl. You guys know why I'm thanking you and know that I love you guys lots! Both of them have really amazing stories as well and I beg you all to go check them out!_**

**_This chapter is not fluffy nor is it anything relating to happy. Some of the material might upset some of you and I'm sorry for that. Please consider yourself warned.  
_**

'Why me?' seemed to be the never ending phrase that ran through my head that night and most of the following day. Hell if I am being honest with myself it was like my own personal theme for just over two years. Charlie never could understand why I was so depressed when I found out about the baby. Although that all changed a little over a year later when things started to come out about Jake and how our relationship really was. I'm getting head of myself again so let's go back to shortly after I found out I was pregnant.

_2 months after the hospital visit…._

It's been two months since the news and I'm still having problems dealing with it. I have thought about every possible way to either end the pregnancy or my life. Either way at this point it wouldn't much matter which option it was. I know that sounds horrible and uncaring but I really can't find myself giving a shit right now. I have been stuck living with Jake for just over a month and a half now and it has been pure hell. If I thought he was a controlling asshole before I was stuck living with him, then it was nothing but peaceful and easy compared to now. I have been hit and called every name in the book almost every day now. These little episodes are what he likes to call my 'punishment' for my misbehavior. If I don't call him every time I leave the apartment and when I get home I get in trouble and 'punished' and if he thinks it takes me too long to get the errands finished up I get into trouble and 'punished'. Let's not forget what happens when he thinks I'm flirting with someone or if I simply look to long at another male. I am sure by now that you can draw a pretty good picture as to how things are.

Then there are the nights when he wants sex. Those are the nights that really get me thinking about how to end my life. Jake forces himself on me at least four nights a week. You would think that carrying his child would at least give me some reprieve and better treatment. All it seems to have done is made him worse. I have only fought back once and trust me when I say that I learned my lesson the hard way with that one. I realize that you would think I would welcome him beating me to death but I'm not looking for a painful end here. I figure since I have to live in pain now, I at least want to leave this earth in peace and pain free.

As I am sitting here thinking of all that has gone wrong in my life I happen to look over at the clock on the wall and realize that I only have an hour till the bastard comes home and I haven't even started to figure out dinner yet. Heaven forbid should there not be any food on the table when Satan comes home from work.

I get up off the couch and make my way towards the kitchen and feel a little flutter in my stomach. At first I just thought it was nerves but when it happened again I knew it had to have been the baby moving. I thought for sure when I first felt it I would at least feel a little something for the child I am carrying. Instead of feeling happiness I just ended up feeling even more depressed and upset because it was the first sign that this isn't a nightmare and it really is my life.

After I got over my little 'feel sorry for me moment' I continued looking through the kitchen cabinets until I found some boxed macaroni and cheese and decided that was going to be what I fixed. It happened to be one of the few things I was able to keep down and luckily it is also one of the jackass's favorites.

I was putting Jake's bowl on the table when the 'Prince of Darkness' decided to storm into the apartment.

"Bella! Where the hell are you at, and why the hell did I just hear from Leah that you fucking went out this morning? Didn't I tell you NOT to leave this apartment or are you just as fucking deaf as you are stupid!"

Oh shit! That fucking bitch! I knew she would rat me out the second she could. It wouldn't have surprised me any to find out that she blurted it out while the damn dog plowed her from behind. If she thought I didn't know that she was fucking Jake she was seriously as moronic as he was. I just wish that if she is what he wanted he would just leave me and take this kid I am carrying and go be with her and let me get back to my original life plan.

"I'm sorry Jake, I know that you said not to leave but I had a craving for an egg and cheese bagel this morning and I didn't think you would mind since it was for the baby."

There I'll play the baby card and pray that it works this time. I really didn't feel like hiding another bruise from Charlie when I go see him tomorrow to clean the house and do his laundry for him.

"Since you know you screwed up and appear to be sorry for it I will let it slide this time, but don't think for one second you stupid little bitch that I will allow it a second time." Jake snarled at me as he walked past.

I let out the breath that I was holding and followed after him like the lost little puppy I have apparently become. The old me would have told him to go fuck off but unfortunately the new me just keeps the smartass comments and attitude locked up inside my head to prevent getting my ass kicked even more then what I do now.

Jake sits down at the table and started to dig in like it's the first meal he has eaten in weeks.

"At least you are good for something. This mac&cheese is really good." Well at least I still know how to read the damn instructions on the side of the box. I simply mumble a thank you and continue eating.

We say nothing to each other the rest of dinner and while I'm cleaning up the kitchen he yells from the bedroom for me to join him. I cringe when I hear him. I know what he wants and I really don't want to give it to him. The unfortunate part about this whole situation is that if I don't he will just take it and it will be much worse for me in the end.

I slowly make my way back to the bedroom and find Jake lying naked on our bed.

"Come here baby I need you to take care of this for me." He says while pointing to his erection, which really isn't all that impressive in my opinion. But since I don't have anything to compare it to I just assume it's an ok size.

"Of course Jake, just give me a minute to clean myself up a little and I will do whatever you want." I make my way into the bathroom and lock the door without leaving him much room to argue with me. I figure the more time I can buy myself the better it will be for me.

"Bella hurry up in there or I'm busting the door down and taking what I want!" Jake yells through the door while pounding on it.

"Okay I'm coming out now." I step out the door and I am immediately pushed onto the bed.

"I'm going to fuck you like the dirty little whore you are and you are going to like it."

Jake pushes into me roughly after he says that and starts to pound into me with no care in the world as to whether or not he is hurting me or his devil spawn I'm carrying. This is what it is always like with him, fast pounding, biting and rough grabbing and then he rolls off of me and goes to sleep.

I lay there in bed and for the hundredth time today think of all the ways I can end my life. It used to be that I would dream of elite schools and prestigious careers. I would dream of fancy houses and a husband with Hollywood good looks and heart the size of Texas. I would also think about the perfect children that we would have. It truly is sad that I would rather think about my dream children that I will never have instead of thinking about the one that is growing inside of me.

It's been a few weeks since that night and things haven't really changed. The baby is more active and I have an appointment with my doctor today for a checkup and ultrasound. Jake of course was too busy to accompany me to said appointment, which is fine with me, the less time around him the better.

As I was waiting to get called back I ran through a mental check list as to where some of the marks came from so that I don't screw up and let something slip. They would be forced to call Charlie and that is something that I did not want to deal with. The man has been on cloud nine since everything has happened.

When he found out I was pregnant he demanded Jake and I marry as soon as possible and that he would do whatever he could to make sure that we got the apartment and had a good start on furniture a decent size savings before the baby was born. So that is what my college fund went to. Creating a life with my rapist and father of the child I was carrying. Of course no one knew that except for me and Jake, except he doesn't feel what he has done and what he currently does is wrong.

I have never seen Charlie as happy as what he was the day he forced me to tie myself legally to Jake. You would have thought he was the one pregnant the way he was glowing. He wasn't even upset that his only daughter was knocked up and getting married at the age of eighteen instead of going off to school like she dreamed of doing. He was just thrilled that he was going to be legally able to call Jake his son now. He and Billy just thought this whole situation was fucking perfect and nothing was going to convince them otherwise.

My father's happiness was the leading factor in why I let this continue on. He hasn't been truly happy since my mother Renee died when I was eight. It was my fault that she was out driving that day. If I didn't need that damn book and decided to throw a tantrum until I got said book she would still be with us today. She was the light of his life and he never recovered from the loss. The type of love that they had was the type that I always dreamed of having but will never get now.

"Mrs. Black, are you okay?" I'm brought out of my sullen thoughts when I hear the nurse speaking to me.

"Oh yeah I'm fine. I just got a little lost in my own head there for a moment." I answer her with a small smile on my face. I'm really hoping it conveyed that I was okay and not what I was really feeling. She looked at me for a moment and I seriously thought I was busted there for a minute until she smiled and told me to follow her.

"Okay Bella I need you to step on the scale and then I need to check your blood pressure and get a urine sample before the doctor can see you."

Lovely, this is one of the many reasons I hate coming to these things. I really don't need to see just how fat my ass is getting. I can tell all on my own just be the fact my clothes are no longer fitting.

I step up on the scale and she writes down the number and tells me I gained another three pounds. Well isn't that wonderful, that makes a total of eight pounds so far.

I go and take care of the sample that they need and she checks my blood pressure which is high yet again. Sometimes I just wish I could yell 'Well no shit Sherlock, you come live my life and see how well your damn blood pressure does!' but I simply shrug and keep quiet on the subject.

The nurse leaves the room after she does everything that she can and I wait in blissful silence until the doctor shows up. I only have to wait about ten minutes till the doctor comes in and at that point I think I died and gone to fucking heaven!

The man that walked into the room was not my normal doctor. One he was not a little old lady, that probably should have retired ages ago, and he most defiantly had the whole I'm too charming for my own good thing going on.

He was about 6 foot tall maybe, the body of a runner and hair that was almost platinum in color. He reminded me of what an angel from Heaven might look like.

"Hello Mrs. Black, I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen and I will be taking over your care. It seems Dr. Wilson has experienced some health issues. I hope this doesn't cause you any discomfort but if it does let me know and I can see if one of the other female doctors can take your file."

Oh God! Not only does he look and sound like and angel he is even caring. By the wedding ring on his finger I can say that his wife is truly one lucky bitch. Once I find my voice I tell him "I'm good."

That's all I can say. That's the best I can do. He is probably going to think I'm a mental patient. He just simply smiles at me and starts to read my chart.

"It says here that you became pregnant in June and now its mid-September so you should be around 4 months now. Is this correct?" He asked politely.

"Yes Dr. Cullen it is." I answer him quietly.

"Okay we can get a more definitive number once we do the ultrasound. Right now I need to go get the nurse so that I can do the internal exam and get swabs before we can get to the part where we can see your beautiful baby okay?"

"Okay." I say with an unemotional voice and a shrug of my shoulder. God can I sound anymore glum and uncaring. He gives me a contemplative look and leaves the room. I really need to take it up a notch if I don't want him asking too many questions. I keep forgetting that most moms are ecstatic and over the moon to be going through this.

We get through the exam with no issues and little to no talking for which I was grateful for. After I am dressed Dr. Cullen and the nurse return with the ultrasound machine.

"Okay Mrs. Black, before we get to this portion of the exam do we need to wait for anyone before we can start?"

I shake my head no and he continues on after giving me a look that screams pity.

"I need you to lie back on the table and pull your shirt up and move or pants down just a little. I'm going to put some jelly on your stomach and just to warn you it will be cold okay?"

"Okay but could you please call me Bella?" I really can't stand to be called by my married name. It just reminds me of the fucking mess my life is now.

Dr. Cullen's smile lights up his face when he answers me. "Of course I can Bella." I really think he is truly happy that I have spoken more than two words to him in that sentence.

Just as I started contemplating that thought I hear a _thump… thump… thump…_ sound fill the room. I start crying at that sound much like I cried when I first felt the baby move. It wasn't a happy cry like it should have been; it was a cry of grief. I was grieving the end of my life. As heartless as that sounds it was how I felt at the moment. I was stuck in my own personal Hell and I was pregnant by Satan himself and that sound was just even more proof of that.

I was brought out of my dark thoughts when Dr. Cullen started talking to me.

"Everything looks fine here. Your just over 15 weeks and it looks like your due date of February 28th is correct. Would you like to know that sex of the baby?"

Would I? I didn't even want the baby so why would I want to know what sex it is. I need to act like the happy mother though so I suck up all the strength I can and look him in the eye with a smile and say "I would love to know Dr. Cullen, I need to know what color to paint the nursery and what kind of name to give to my little miracle." Oh Jesus, I am so going to Hell for the amount of lying I have been doing the past few months. Not to mention that I seriously think I just lied to an actual angel.

He gives me another one of those beaming smiles that tells me my acting is better than I thought "Well Bella, it looks like you are going to be buying pink. Congratulations you're having a girl!"

"A girl" I whisper to myself. Mostly it's to test out the words. I guess at least it won't be a mini-me of Jake. God must have taken some pity on me for all the crap he has put me through lately. I take a moment to actually be happy for a short minute and then I tell Dr. Cullen 'thank you' and start to gather my things to leave.

I schedule my next appointment and make my way to Charlie's house since that is where I was told to go after I was done. Jake informed me last night that I was to fix dinner for him and our fathers tonight since there was some big game that they were going to be watching.

When I get there Jake is already there with Charlie. I sit in the car for a few more minutes gathering myself and preparing to put on the Oscar winning performance that I have been perfecting over the last few months.

"Hey Bells, how did the doctor's appointment go? Is everything good with my grandbaby?" Charlie's excitement for this child is astounding. I may not be happy about this baby but he was going to make the world's best grandpa.

"Everything is going fine Dad. The baby is healthy and my due date is still the end of February. I also found out the sex today." I put on the biggest fake smile I can muster without being obvious. Jake decides to make himself know at this point.

"I'm sorry I couldn't go with you sweetheart I didn't know if I was going to be able to get out of the shop in time and I know how you hate being late. So you found out what our little angel is? Please don't keep us in suspense any longer honey?"

Damn he is one hell of a good liar. Maybe if he could have put Leah down long enough he could have made it, not that I even wanted him there anyway. Sometimes I wonder if he even knows the difference between the truth and the lies that he so easily says.

"Well Jake we are having a girl!" Apparently I am getting just as good as he is because I actually sounded happy there. Must still be a little high from the fact it's not a boy. Jake gets the biggest fake smile I have ever seen him wear and yells out his happiness. Oh that is so not good. He is going to blame me for the baby not being a boy and I'm sure I'm going to be sporting some new marks over this one.

"That's great Bella! A little princess, just like you sweetheart!" Of course my father would be happy. I think I could have told him I was having puppies and he would still be just as happy.

After Charlie gives me a very uncomfortable one armed hug and leaves the room Jake's demeanor completely changes.

"You can't do anything right can you? What the hell I am I supposed to do with a girl? I can't even look at your pathetic ass right now. Go get in the damn kitchen and start dinner."

I feel anger well up in me for the first time since I went numb the morning I stood up to him for the first and last time and ended up with 15 stitches. I didn't even realize what had happened till after I felt the sting in my hand. Jake is standing in front of my seething while holding the left side of his face. OH SHIT! What the hell have I done? No matter how good it felt to hit the bastard or how much he deserved it, I rush with apologies as soon as my brain registers what I had just done.

"I'm so sorry Jake I didn't mean too. I really don't know what has come over me. It must be the mood swings and hormones that we have been warned about."

Jake just continues to stand there and stare in hatred and a look that promises violence when we are alone tonight and simply states "I will deal with you later."

I felt a chill go down my spine when he said that. I knew right then that the 'punishment' I was going to be getting was going to be the worse yet. I watch as he stalks off into the living room and then make my way to the kitchen to prepare their dinner.

I decided to make myself scarce while they ate and watched the game. I went up to my room and relished in the peace and comfort that this room offered me. It was truly the only place I really felt safe anymore.

While wondering around my room I noticed that one of my floor boards was loose. I get down and use my fingers to pry it up a little. It wasn't until I saw what was hidden underneath that I remembered why it was loose.

Shortly after senior year started Jessica had given me a small plastic bag to hide until she asked for it back. She obviously had forgotten about it and so had I. I opened the bag and gasped out loud. Inside the bag was not only a substance that looked like weed but there was also a large amount of pills that I knew to be Vicodin. When you are as clumsy as I am, you become quite familiar with narcotic pain medications from numerous injuries.

The smile on my face is so large I'm afraid that my face my split into two. I slide the bag into a book bag that was in my closet along with a few books and some sweatshirts that had gotten left here during the move. I figured the more I stuffed in there the more likely I was to be able to get passed them without many questions as to why I had a bag.

By the time I get down stairs the game is just about over and I can tell be the way Jake looked at me that we will be leaving as soon as it is over. At least I will get the luxury of driving myself home instead of being forced to ride with him. It will give me just a few more minutes of calm before the storm hits.

After the game ends we say our goodbyes and go to our respective cars. The whole drive home all I can focus on is the drugs that I have hidden in my bag. I'm not even thinking of the impending beating I am sure to get when we get home.

I pull into the complex and park next to Jake's VW Rabbit. How he managed to beat me home and inside already is beyond me and the sick feeling finally settles in. He had rushed home so that he could make it inside first to give him the upper hand and so that I couldn't lock him out. I slowly get out and walk up the stairs to our door.

I barely get the door shut before I feel myself get slammed into it.

"Just what the hell did you think you were doing by laying a hand on me you worthless bitch? Did you honestly think I was going to let you get away with that shit?" Jake screamed in my face.

"Please Jake, don't hurt me again. I promise I won't do it again. Please think of the baby." At this point I am not above begging and pulling every excuse I can to prevent this from being worse then what I knew it could be.

Unfortunately all my pleading and begging fell on deaf ears because he proceeded in beating me pretty bad. I think the only two places that weren't bruised were my stomach and face. I'm sure you can figure out why those two places are never harmed. He may not have fully cared about the child I was carrying, but he made sure that his beatings would not be the cause of me loosing said child.

After Jake was finished with my 'punishment' as he liked to call it, he stormed to the bedroom and locked the door. I decided that I was going to go take a bath to soothe the pain as much as I could. I knew it was a futile effort but at least it would help a little. After I cleaned up as best I could my mind started thinking about the pills again. I know there was weed in there too but I can't really smoke that without being caught so I just focused on the pills.

I slowly opened the bathroom door and peeked out. The bedroom door was still shut and I could hear Jake's loud snores from where I was at. I stepped out and made a beeline to where my bag was by the front door. When I reached my bag I hurried and grabbed it and ran to the kitchen. I set it down on the counter and started to fill a glass of water. When I had done that I open the bag and dug around till I found my ticket to Neverland. I finally found it and took out about 6 pills. I didn't even think before I popped them in my mouth and swallowed. I walked slowly over to the couch and sat down. I knew that it would only take about half an hour or so before I completely blacked out. I took out my book and started to read the first page. I don't even remember how long it took for them to kick in or when I put my book down because the last thing I remember that night is lying down on the couch and thinking 'numb at last'.

That was the first time I intentionally abused prescription drugs. It most defiantly wasn't the last time and it also wasn't the only type of drugs that I abused while with Jake. It took me a while to realize that what I did was wrong and not how I should have handled the problems in my life at that time. They say hindsight is a wonderful thing and I truly believe that it is. If I would have known then what I do now I would have never done it. I would have never wished to harm myself or my beautiful daughter and I would have never exposed my daughter to drug use before she even had the chance to take her first breath.


End file.
